my story
In 2012, I had my first panic attack. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I had no idea what was happening inside my body.
At the ER, they ran multiple tests to see if I was suffering from major health conditions. All tests came back negative.
I felt like I was being strangled, like I had carbonation surging through my veins, like my heart was going to explode. But I was perfectly healthy?
I wanted to make it go away, to numb out, to feel better.
As I talked to a doctor and told him about my panic and anxiety, he asked if I had ever tried yoga and meditation. I was pretty taken-back, almost offended, by his inquiry. I was coming to him for real help and he recommended something "fluffy" or "woo-woo" instead. I had no idea about the real benefits these practices could have and how legit yoga and meditation are. This was an important conversation and planted seeds that have led to where I am today.
A wise therapist changed my life forever when she taught me to value and pay attention to what was going on inside of me. She helped me utilize the anxiety as a catalyst for personal growth.
Years later, I began a regular at-home yoga practice (shout-out to Yoga with Adriene on You-Tube). A number of years after that I found Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and took my first course. I began to spend my energy practicing and cultivating peace, gratitude, and acceptance. I began taking action in situations that I could control. I began honoring my heart, and by doing so, growing more love for myself and others.
Practicing mindfulness and meditation helps settle my heart. I am learning more skillful ways to interact with the stressors in this life. And when my heart isn’t settled, I am learning to find stillness and self-compassion, which brings a different type of settledness.